The Sacrificing Priestess

I have written about my Spirit Daughter Miko in a few posts here already. She is introduced in my post on Platonic Love. Though we will have been married 7 years as of October 31st 2020, we’ve always been strictly platonic.

She is mentioned in my post A War against Lies as Her arrest lead to me retiring as a Recreational Pharmacist.

I write more about the dynamics of our Bond in my post Failures in Love and She also appears in my post Proof as “The Sacrificing Priestess“.

I called Her Miko, Japanese for Priestess.

I called Her my Spirit Daughter.

And though many may become Shooting Stars as I saw in my Vision of Shooting Stars… Her devotion to my Teachings made Her my First.

She was My Shooting Star

Marriage of Convenience

Before Her arrest we made plans to buy an RV and travel the country going to music festivals for a couple years to “find ourselves” so to speak.

I worked remotely as a software developer and made enough money to make this financially possible. This plan lead to my idea to propose to Her as we would be on our own.

If anything were to happen to one of us while traveling, being married would give us rights that would help us help each other; and spousal privilege would protect us from testifying against each other if we got caught in Shenanigans. 😅

It would reduce my taxes and give Her health insurance as well, so logically there was no reason not to and a lot of reasons to do so.

A Personal Reason

One other personal reason existed that I never told Her about but was very important to me. She had the most beautiful soul I’d ever seen and absolutely EVERYONE judged Her.

This caused me unbearable pain as I couldn’t do anything to defend Her from it.

Unless I was Her Husband…

Then no one had the right to judge Her but ME!

And I NEVER Would.

Allowing me to unleash Verbal Hell on anyone who tried to Judge MY* Wife…

Sticks and Stones may break bones…

but my Words kill Egos!

🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

* = Women are NOT property, but many treat them like it due to Toxic Masculinity. I was able to use this to my advantage to defend Her successfully 😈

Getting Married

We planned and paid for the wedding in California with a Confidential License to prevent anyone from finding out, making assumptions or judging us.

We planned to get divorced after 3 years so She could marry the man She loved romantically. While I only focused on all the rational reasons, She also knew my others.

At this point in my Life my inability to understand dating and relationships and it being impossible for a single man to adopt; lead me to give up on my dream of having a “real” family.

Not feeling normal and fear of abandonment were my biggest insecurities as well. Even if it wasn’t a normal marriage, my fear of abandonment would be alleviated and I’d be able to Truthfully mention I had a wife at work… letting me pretend I was normal… 😒

She knew it would make me happy.

When the Ceremony was over She ran to the bathroom crying. When I asked Her why She cried, She replied “this wasn’t what I’d dreamed of…” as She dreamed of Marrying the Man She was in Love with.

She never said anything about this before or since the Marriage. This quiet act of Self-sacrifice without complaint by Her was what eventually taught me what Selfless Unconditional Self-sacrificing Love truly looks like.

I also called Her “The Best Decision of my Life“

Who was I to Her?

She also had several names She called me by. Lacking common sense and being clumsy, She ended up saying “Baka!” in the Anime Style so often it stuck as my nickname.

It means “Fool” or “Stupid” 😅

Which I found humorous as She greatly respected me for my intelligence and wisdom. So much so that She called me Her Mentor as I was always teaching Her new things.

My Birthday Present for Her in 2020.

The one that made me happiest was She called me Her “Forcefield”. In a world that had left Her constantly having to Fear for Her survival and full of people that tried to hurt Her… I gave Her something She never had before.

A True sense of Security and Safety.

On all of our adventures to music festivals, clubs and other Shenanigans, I let Her take the Lead as I watched over Her and ensured She was safe.

I would defend Her reputation against all who tried to attack it. I provided Her a phone so Her boyfriend couldn’t use “paying for Her phone” to spy on Her or take it back to control Her. My home was also a Sanctuary away from all drama She was always welcome to stay as long as She wanted.

She now felt Invincible. All those who used to abuse, manipulate, control and betray Her were now all powerless to do so. She was Free to be herself and make decisions like who to date without it affecting Her ability to survive.

😇 “You’ll have to get through Me first…“ 😇

All those people thought I was the evil one for protecting Her unconditionally!

😈

How did She see me…?

She once suddenly looked at me suspiciously and asked me a very odd question…

🧐

“Are you God…?“

My Response?

😳… 🤔… 😐… 😂

“Awwww… no… I’m not… I’m sorry…”

I felt bad because I couldn’t honestly say Yes but really wished I could be for Her. She would never be afraid again if it were True.

She just stared at me blankly for a second and replied “Oh… okay!” and went back to what She was doing as if the conversation never happened!

😅

Being Her Forcefield and Her Protector gave me a sense of true purpose for the first time in my life. One I could be Proud of. One that gave me my sense of Self-worth.

My Life mattered now… because She needed me.

So I started caring about my Health and Safety for the first time in my Life. She would pressure me to eat vegetables to stay healthy… which I never ate in my life and absolutely hated… but I’d eat because She needed me.

I’d then flip Her off while eating the spinach so She knew I was not happy about it, and She just smiled happily because She knew I was doing it out of Love for Her.

🖕

A Little Game started this way!

Hero or Villain

2015 marked the Beginning of the End of our Bond. An ending I could never have anticipated.

A guy She met on a trip to Colorado told Her he was coming to Texas for work. She’d already mentioned him before as He was really talented at making beautiful dream catchers!

However one of the primary things I focused on at this point in my life was red flags. When He got to Texas it turned out He didn’t actually have a job waiting for Him.

They ended sleeping in my suburban most nights as my room mates got a funny feeling from him and didn’t want him in the house.

Red flags were all minor but continuous. Eventually She stopped telling me everything.

She had let me track Her GPS in case She ever needed my help I could easily find Her and get to Her. She started randomly leaving without letting me know where She was going or would say She was going to be back in 15 minutes but be gone for hours.

I truly didn’t care where She went and She had no reason to hide anything from me… so the sudden change in Her behaviors was concerning.

I’d check the GPS to make sure She appeared safe and they would be driving all over town, staying at random houses that changed frequently and other unusual patterns.

Why was She hiding stuff suddenly?

Why was She denying anything was wrong?

It seemed like She didn’t trust me anymore?

The Wolf

The only explanation that explained everything was He was turning Her against me and She was starting to believe him?

After Spyder I had researched all the manipulative, controlling and abusive tactics used by Narcissists and Sociopaths; and would toy with them when I identified them.

While I kept seeing red flags with Him, it didn’t match any pattern I had seen before and He spoke like someone who was a decent person in spite of the behavioral red flags…

Eventually I stumbled across articles that discussed the behaviors and traits of Psychopaths. It described Him to a tee 😱!

After discovering this I started trying to talk to Miko and tell Her this. She argued with me like She did with every other boyfriend, telling me his redeeming traits and qualities.

I would give in on all the others but this was a huge unknown and I cared about protecting Her and keeping Her safe more than anything. It wasn’t worth the risk to me.

So I banned him from coming over to our home.

Escalating Situation

Miko and I started fighting regularly about Him and started growing apart. However one weekend She had a friend coming in from out of state to stay with us.

I was looking forward to this because I greatly respected this guy and enjoyed his company. However I knew if the Wolf came over without warning like he had a habit of doing that could be problematic.

Asked Her to ensure that He knew not to come over that weekend. So what did He do?

The Night Her friend arrived and we were all hanging out, the Wolf showed up around 1am. We were on the 2nd Floor apartment and He stood in the grass below singing a love song to the balcony.

Long story short, I’m surprised the cops didn’t get called that night and She went with the Wolf and they slept in his car nearby; leaving Her out of state friend at our place severely confused and distraught.

Several other dramatic events like this occurred over the next couple months before Miko suddenly told me She was moving with him to Colorado.

Multiple times I begged Her not to go while crying… and She just kept getting more distant.

Please Come Get Me

Once She was in Colorado all contact with Her practically vanished. The texts were short, vague and sporadic.

And every couple weeks She’d call me screaming and crying for me to come get Her. Then she would hang up, didn’t respond to texts and didn’t answer my phone calls.

And Her texts in between those She would reply aggressively if I tried to ask about it coordinate Her coming home…!?

He had Her Phone

Eventually I found out He was keeping Her phone from Her so He could use it for “work“.

So I blocked Her phones ability to call any number except Her sister and other Friends I knew were good influences. Unfortunately this also blocked Her ability to check in with Her probation officer.

This didn’t prevent him from using it for work since he was using 1-800 numbers and He convinced Her that I did this maliciously to hurt or control Her.

I then emailed his work email to tell him that it was not acceptable and not appropriate for him to take Her phone that I paid for and keep it from.

His response was telling me off and calling Her his Wife and other things that came off as delusional. An idea came to mind, if He lost his job then He wouldn’t have a reason to keep Her phone from Her.

So I replied by saying something I knew would provoke and trigger him into going into a religious rant. He fell for it hook line and sinker and I filed a complaint with His employer.

Two different Vice Presidents from the Better Business Bureau, one from Texas and one from Colorado, called me later that week to Personally apologize for his behavior and let me knew he had been terminated.

I texted Miko to let Her know what I did and that He no longer had a reason to keep Her phone from Her.

She went off on me for doing it… 😓.

Longer Story Short

When She finally broke up with him and moved back and was safe, I finally collapsed mentally and emotionally. I had already lost my software development job months prior so I checked myself into Green Oaks Intensive Outpatient treatment in Dallas.

After going there for a little over a month I went to Steven’s Transport’s School to get a CDL and drove an 18-Wheeler cross country for several months as a “working vacation” before finding a new software development job.

While I did recover… the Bond that I had with my Spirit Daughter Miko never did. She never trusted me like She used to again.

I did the one thing I had promised Her I’d never do. The one thing I protected Her from everyone else doing to Her.

I started trying to control Her to “protect” Her.

I hurt the person that meant more to me than anything, that loved me more than anyone ever had before… so bad that She was never truly in my life the same way again. Because I was scared of “the Wolf”.

Over the next several years I ended up becoming friends with him and was able to get to know him better, when he wasn’t a “threat” to Her.

He actually earned my respect for a lot of reasons. He wasn’t the person I feared He was.

At the time they were dating… He actually believed about me, the same things I believed about Him…!?

What was the Truth then?

We were Lost, Confused and Afraid Children.

Because NO ONE IS EVIL!

Had “the Wolf” and I practiced “Trust, Honesty and Communication” (THC) instead of “Suspicion, Avoidance and Destroy” (SAD)… we might have realized that sooner.