Socializing with Autism

I was diagnosed as Bipolar at 14/15; and my life has been pretty much a confusing and disorienting Hell most of my life.

When you tell someone you have Bipolar they actually treat you worse, so I stopped telling people due to my Honesty being Punished.

Last year I had multiple people suggest I might be Autistic and the symptoms fit perfectly so 🤷‍♂️.

The Challenges

Honest to a Fault

I don’t understand why some things are inappropriate to discuss or considered “too much information”. If it’s about something that may indirectly affect them negatively due to my behaviors being directly affected, I feel it’s my responsibility to inform them.

I desire the Truth even if it Upsets or Hurts, so I also give this. This has lead to people experiencing negative emotions they blamed me for.

Coping Strategy: I avoid ending up in situations where I’m judged for being Honest like this, and remain socially withdrawn until I’m confident I won’t be judged.

Trusting to a Fault

As I discuss in my post on the Psychology of Projection, the most Honest people are the most Gullible. They don’t even consider the possibility they are being Lied to unless it’s obvious.

Due to this I ended up studying the Dark Tetrad personality disorders to learn how to identify People with them So I could protect myself.

I try to give the benefit of the doubt; but I noticed that you can always find a way to interpret all the evidence in a way that proves their innocence.

This lead to this conclusion.

Non-Verbal/Literal Communication Challenges

I have to consciously notice and interpret non-verbal communication from Facial Expressions, Body Language, etc.

I also must consciously notice and interpret vague or ambiguous verbal language that relies on Metaphors, Subtext, Innuendo or Implied Context.

I can usually come up with 2 to 3 different ways to interpret the same non-verbal, and dozens of ways to interpret ambiguous verbal language.

To decide how to interpret what they said I have to analyze the current context, and find a very similar situation from my past that I did the same thing they’re doing now.

I then assume that they mean now what I meant then unless they have clearly explained what they mean by it already.

Mixed Signals

I frequently have noticed that people’s Verbals and their Non-Verbals don’t always match.

Pointing this out frequently upsets them.
If I choose to Believe what they Say, they end up getting upset with me but are usually unable to explain why in a way that makes sense to me.
If I choose to Believe their non-verbals, they will completely deny they ever thought or felt those thing if they later wish they hadn’t or regret it.
- My Mom frequently spoke like She didn’t Judge me; but Her non-verbals would be screaming “I am so ashamed and disappointed in you“. This lead me to avoid Her because it Hurt a lot coming from Her.

This is what I believed happened with Candeo in my post Dating needs Clear Communication. My choice to Believe the non-verbal without clear verbal communication was something I rarely ever did. Doing so lead me to act in such a way that was traumatizing for both of us.

So I created a new rule to follow that I would never do anything that might hurt someone unless there were no mixed signals about it.

Something Empress gave consistently… 🙄

Strong interest was communicated non-verbally but never clearly confirmed verbally in person (only over text or video chat).

Her behaviors also communicated She wasn’t serious about it, despite some of the things She said having very Serious implications and subtext.

Mixed Signals were so high frequency that I didn’t have a clue how to deal with them, so I just tried to ignore them… but I couldn’t stop blushing 😑.

Probability it was Real?

95%.

Probability She was Ready for what I wanted?

Until She knew for certain what She wanted and chose Me, I was happier just being friends…. 🤷‍♂️

Social Situations

I can only realistically cope with all the challenges above in private one on one conversations. Unless I’m alone with someone I trust not to Judge, Misinterpret or Hurt me; I primarily observe and can’t Truly be myself.

In Groups, I’m so busy trying to understand what everyone is communicating, that I’m unable to communicate myself without a LOT of effort.

This leaves me feeling even more alone than when I am actually alone!

Failure to rehearse how I communicate or trusting and opening up to the wrong person also leads to cascading failures.

Once I’ve upset them, I am overwhelmed with Fear, the desire to understand how to fix it, and if I can’t fix it then the overwhelming desire to run and hide from them.

Which leads to me behaving in ways that make the situation progressively worse; like getting defensive or avoiding them.