Narcissists, due to whatever reason, end up believing the Lie that “Everyone is Selfish by Nature”. I can go into the evidence that proves this wrong, but this post is about something else.
This post is about their perspective.
Because they view everyone as Selfish by nature, being polite, kind or helpful to a Narcissist will typically make them immediately start questioning “what’s in it for you?”.
Unless you are clear about your selfish motives, they will assume you are Lying to them. Every interaction is a zero-sum game and they respect people who don’t hide their “darkness”. Hide your “darkness” and they will start testing you to find it. Because “nobody is perfect”, their tests will gradually get more and more elaborate, looking for weaknesses.
Once they find them… they pounce, dominate and control. You are now one of their resources, and will serve them until you are useless or your power becomes a threat to theirs.
There are three ways to avoid this ending.
- Be honest. Everyone has selfish motives. If you actually eliminated all your desires, you’d have no problem starving to death without complaint. If you’re not willing to do that and claim “non-attachment” then congratulations, you’re a Liar (in their perspective).
There is almost an irony that telling them “I hate you” sounds exactly like “I love you”. “You’re honest with me! You DO love me!” is the rationality behind it.
- Always err on the side of caution when showing respect. If you make a mistake and they are negatively affected, they need to be the FIRST person you contact.
That’s respect. If you know they’re good at something because they worked hard on acquiring that skill, appreciate them for that skill and value it.
While they get “insulted” basically by viewing other people as “things”, realize, they view themselves as “things” too on a certain level.
They want to be valued and appreciated. Respect their talents. Don’t mock their skills. Never question them in front of others, and if you are lucky enough to find an honest one… they’re a keeper. Trust them with you’re life; they’re powerful. - Be perfect. (Hint: Don’t try. Don’t pretend to be, or you’re a Liar.)
Here is how you are classified:
- ignored (useless, not a threat)
- obsessively researched (possibly useful, possibly a threat)
- tested (useful, possible threat)
- abused (loyal but useless and not a threat)
- tolerated (not-loyal but useful and not a threat)
- prized (useful and loyal)
- destroyed (a hostile weaker threat)
- subjugated (a benign weaker threat)
- avoided (a hostile powerful threat)
- submitted to loyally (a respected powerful threat)
- submitted to and betrayed (not-respected powerful threat)
I’m sure I’ve made mistakes in the above list, I’m not error checking at this point. I will come back to error check and correct any mistakes at a later time. If you would like to know more about the Narcissists perspective, the best site I’ve found for “story/emotional” understanding is https://narcsite.com
Thanks HG Tudor for all your writing. Without you, I’d never have been able to do this. You are absolutely amazing and freaking rock star in my book. You gave me just what I needed to algorithmically model Narcissism!
Took a few months to create, but the cheat sheet I made based off your work; and identifying the different fuel sources for each “parenting” combination was totally worth the time spent!
