Height: 5’10” (177 cm)
Weight: 225 lbs (102kg)
Substance: Ketamine
Amount: ~265mg (1.18 mg/lb or 2.6 mg/kg)
Setting: At home in my room, no music
Time: 6pm
ROA: Insufflation
Set: I’d been awake for 33 hours, so I was very tired. However the previous 24 hours were spent at home hanging out with my best friend Miko watching movies/tv and talking all night long. So while very tired, I was still relaxed and happy.
T+0:00 Miko just left, and so I did the lines I had readied for myself, then went back to my bed to lay down, and opened up my laptop to attempt to make some setting changes.
T+0:05 Finished making changes with some difficulty and closed the laptop knowing the effects were about to take over, and closed my eyes.
T+???? The first thing I remember from the experience, is the visual loops, however I don’t believe my eyes were open. What I saw seemed to be a combined visual field of imagination (low clarity) and the sensory visual field (high clarity). I remember seeing images/shapes/symbols start to repeat over themselves in a type of 4th spacial dimension loop. All these images were based on things I might have seen with my eyes open with high clarity, but the last memory of my body’s state was my eyes were closed. All these images had a clarity as if I was looking at them with my own eyes.
Once this began, all concept of reality/existence/memories/time vanished. I was an abstract entity, with no identity and time had no meaning and I could not guess at how long each part of this entry lasted, it all felt like an eternity.
The location of objects in this vision I could control to a certain extent, if I focused on them. However it felt as if they all were a part of a pattern and I had to follow the pattern when moving them into place. It felt like the universe and reality itself was in the process of being created. Various memories of my recent past would surface, but I had no sense of self-identity still. They were just random “stories” I happened to remember, but were unrelated to me.
Finally my imagination’s visual field separated from my sensory visual field and I was able to open my eyes. I could still see both “visions” with high clarity. The “creation of reality” visual field which would begin to fade in clarity very gradually, and the sensory visual field I could see through my eyes which would begin to grow in clarity over time.
I was able to sit up in my bed put my feet on the ground. I looked around, and though I recognized my surroundings from the “stories” I remembered, I did not identify with them. I felt like I was being dumped into this reality that had no connection to “me” whatsoever. Memories of Miko and my friendship/feelings about her surfaced, but it felt like that was before reality was created. It felt like Miko was a legend, that there was no proof she ever existed that I could rely on.
She felt like a fairy tale or some imaginary mythical person from before the creation of the universe that would make me feel safe if she was here, but she wasn’t there.
I then thought this must be the reality that just got made. But why of all places was I here? All those stories I remembered, reality has just been created, and I was put here? That confused me.
I decided I need to figure out what was going on, and I focused every bit of my mind to the task of getting up from the bed, walking over to the computer desk and sitting down.
T+0:40 As I made my way to the computer, through all the effects on my vision I saw and the extreme difficulties moving, finally, a thought came to my head “This feels like K…”. However the logic of that thought was not apparent, and it was quickly forgotten. I refocused on my task to determine what was happening.
Facebook was open and I began to scroll down the newsfeed. I saw one of those two picture memes “What I think I look like when X, Reality X“, and the only word in the picture I saw was “Reality“. So I thought “ok…. this must be reality now“.
Awesome the visual world I’m seeing now is labeled 😅.
I scrolled down a bit more, and saw another picture with the word “Life!” in all giant letters, followed by some motivational type text I didn’t read.
Thought it was another label/sign.
T+0:45 As I was scrolling through Facebook, the thought “This -really- feels like K….” crossed my mind again. I still could not comprehend what that meant. I still strongly believed reality was just created. However, I trusted my intuition, and decided it was best to get off the computer “before posting something stupid” whatever that meant, and go lay down. It was as if fragments of my normally programmed behavior came through with enough force, that even though I did not believe the rationality behind why I was getting off the computer, I did so anyways.
I somehow made my way back to the bed, and laid down. Over the next 5 to 10 minutes, I continually debated in my mind whether or not my delusions of reality having just been created were true, or if this was just a drug. As time went on, I more and more realized it was just a drug. I then looked at my laptop on my bed and saw the time. Only 50 minutes has passed since I took it.
Though there was still lingering conviction for the belief that reality was just created, I logically concluded Miko was real, not a figment of my imagination and that I just had the deepest K-Hole ever.
With that thought in mind, I decided I should probably get some sleep, and wrote this out the following morning.
