I used to create them when I was younger. Gave them out like candy without expectations… sometimes they were just candy 🍬 … sometimes they were “candy” 🧙♂️.
I didn’t believe in Heaven taught by Christians because the True God is an Author and a True Fan would Love all his Books. The True Gods and Goddesses are Musicians and a True Fan would Listen to all their Albums. The True Goddess is an Artist and All of Us are Her Inspiration.
A Christian once asked how I knew what to do without “What Would Jesus Do?” to which I replied “I asked myself What Would my Mom Do…?” with a confused look on my face.
I never needed Jesus to show me what a Perfectly Self-Sacrificing Love was. I had Her.
She taught me my morals by example. She didn’t give up, She didn’t make excuses to be Selfish, She didn’t Lie, Cheat or Steal. She would Forgive all the times I was an idiot and even though She never understood me, She accepted me.
I lived selflessly for others the same way my Mom lived selflessly for my Sister and I. I took every opportunity to help others no matter how difficult it was. She made no excuses to be selfish or give up so neither would I. And every time I found a solution.
I didn’t know how else to treat the people I cared about so I did so selflessly like Her.
My words and behaviors though?
I had to learn literally everything else the hard way. I hurt people with my abusive words trying to be honest. I hurt people with my neglectful behaviors trying to respect their independence and be polite. I hurt people with my inability to understand or handle my own emotions so I tried to manipulate or get controlling to solve my problem that I didn’t even know how to communicate that I had.
As much as I may have been abused by others in my life, I’ve also abused them. The difference was I didn’t understand why it was wrong, what I was supposed to do, why I was supposed to do it or how I was supposed to it.
“He Knew What He was Doing” was always the excuse people had to hurt me or abandon me… accusations of malicious intent.
No. I didn’t.
And every single time someone hurt me, I assumed it was for the same exact reasons I always ended up hurting others.
“They didn’t know how not to hurt me. I have to write to them so I feel safe enough to be vulnerable and explain the ways I’m different and speak freely as myself 😁.”
“They must have been overwhelmed. I need to help them with whatever is easiest for me and hardest for them so they don’t lose control and lash out. I hate when that happens to me and I understand they didn’t mean it. 😣”
“They were probably too scared to ask for it. I need to make sure they know I’m not going get upset if they ask for help. 🙄”
“They don’t understand why it hurts me. I need to figure out how to explain it to them. 🤔”
“They were scared I would hurt them. I need to make more of an effort to help them feel safer. 🥺”
“They’re out of control and I need to protect others from them. Tell everyone they’ve lied to the Truth. Return the shit they Stole… did they forget those guys were Cartel 🙄? Pay back the Fronts people gave them and they Lost. Oh he’s using his Facebook to coordinate stealing and find new victims? Not anymore, mine now 😈.”
Every time someone hurt me, one of those things would be how I thought and responded.
I eventually started lying to people about my true motives. They didn’t believe me anyways and I found out if I said I did things for the same reasons they did… they felt less alone and happier to see me. And they slowed down on that stuff because I would redirect them towards fun and victimless stuff… corporations aren’t people was a good point I didn’t even try to argue against that one 😅.
Faux Badass is what I called my style and I put a lot of effort into coming across as someone deceptively dangerous to protect myself.
People always ended up willing to go to war for me which confused me but I could deal with it if I was there with them…
Me: “Be Nice… 😐”
Them: “but they 😦”
Me: 😐
Them: 😔
Me: 😁
Or they would be unbelievably terrified of me in a way that I simply do not understand!
No one could ever explain it… they couldn’t tell me what they were afraid of me doing or why I would have done it…?
Baffling 🤔.
No one ever Warned the Wolves about the Sheep in Wolves Clothing 😂.
I never feared anyone.
I knew they were all just like me. Everyone would argue with me and told me I was wrong; they were certain that some people were Evil.
I have made every possible mistake myself or learned the lessons from others that did.
And every single one that did something… very unfortunate? Every single one was trying to kill themselves in the most painful ways possible; and saw prison as even worse than Death because they were forced to face the person they hated more than anyone… themselves.
Please stop hurting the hurt people.
At least they had excuses I understood.
You don’t.
I am https://NowA.live
Trust me please…?
P.S. Finding my Balance
I didn’t even consider Karma might be real either. I didn’t even notice I had been walking through Hell until I had gotten to the bottom of the Abyss and there was no one left but Her and a Door back to the Elohim’s chambers.
https://www.omnism.church/elohim-s-door
I don’t know why She decided to stay down there… but I chose the Door to deal with the one responsible for all of this and inform the rest of them what I expected from them.
I am now on my way back down to see if She’s still there. I wonder if She’ll Trust me this time?
Or maybe She didn’t Trust Herself…?
Naw, that couldn’t be it… I never met anyone I could Trust without Question until I met Her.
Surely She can see what I see?
Only person I’ve ever felt truly safe with?
No one has ever given me that before.
That was my Miracle.
